It is OK to feel this way about your hair loss, it is.. but then we also have to process and move forward.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m losing my hair and this is f’ing Bullsh*t. I was going for more of a Haiku poem thing ? Watcha think ?
When I say I understand, I really do, and in so many ways. I mean here I am on the 24th year of dealing with female pattern baldness, and now dealing with a second hair loss I got last year (diffuse alopecia areata) completely carving out my temples and hairline, and I think this is some bullsh*t.
I accepted my female pattern baldness, I accepted wearing wigs, I accepted cutting my hair off (in 2013) one year after starting to wear wigs so that I could deal with my hair loss better, and by doing that accepted never being able to wear my bio hair in a pony ever again… I accepted the progressive thinning of my hair, I accepted it was never going to come back.
I accepted, I accepted, I accepted.
I made it all work and then life is like, wait up, one more. Here is alopecia areata for you, just to keep things interesting.
That’s life, unfortunately, and I have grappled with the understanding of how this can be… now, after all I had already been through, and accepted, but I also know there is no logic, rhyme or reason, nothing that will truly bring comfort. It just is, also the process of mind tormenting oneself with thoughts, of “why” doesn’t really help at all, least not me.
Right now, in my life, with this new hair loss situation, I work daily on the end result of what I am dealing with now.
Accepting this is the situation. This is a NEW situation, which will have new challenges, and it must be dealt with sooner rather than later, and when I say dealt with, I mean, adapting to it. I have to assume the alopecia areata is not going to reverse, so if that … then what ?
It has to be accepted now, anything else that comes down the line that’s positive, is a bonus, but I spent my entire 20’s and some of my 30’s praying for all my entire hair to return and my hair loss to stop. It was never going to stop. Female pattern baldness by definition, means it wasn’t going to stop. It’s a progressive hair loss. Time not well spent and I’ll be dam if I spend the end of my 40’s doing the same thing with this new hair loss.
I have worked too hard for my freedom from hair loss, to have another one rip that away.
I love some extra helpings of “Hope.” I think most people that follow me, know that. I named my cat “Hope” in 2001, so I’d be reminded that “Hope” was always around.. and this was in regards to my hair loss. That’s how deeply and profoundly I was affected. I wanted HOPE I would get my hair back, that it would reverse. It wasn’t going to, but I love Hope, I love the the name, the cat, the definition, the feeling, and everything Hope encompasses.
But
Hope is Not a Strategy.
This sucks. There is no fancy way to write that, but now what. Now I think of what I need to do for me, to move through this quickly and the first step to that is removing denial ASAP. This is the situation, and where do we go from here, mentality.
Hoping For a Miracle, Isn’t Action
It has been a long time, since I have very well understood, there is no cure to hair loss, and wishing and praying kept me stuck, acceptance was the only path forward.
Acceptance IS the only path forward.
I have considerations with this new hair loss, that I have to decide on what I’ll be doing, will I shave my head, sooner than later? Will I try different wigs? Not sure yet, but I do know each day I am not praying and hoping it will end, because I assume it will not, and each action I take will be actions I can control, actions I can live with, and actions that empower me to deal with this new hair loss in a much quicker manner than I did when dealing with my female pattern baldness.
I already have managed to successfully figure out how to live with hair loss once, now I have a new hair loss that changes it and I have to do it twice, and while it is not easy – and I don’t want to give that impression at all, I also know, time is ticking and every second I waste on my devolving hair loss situation, is just adding to the over decade I wasted in my 20’s and 30’s. Time lost off my life. I have to get past this new hair loss reality, and into my whatever “new way” I adopt to live with this.
My plan B, IS my plan A.
For many people they will do plan B… (acceptance) when plan A (wishing and praying all their hair will come back, or trying every hair loss potion under the sun), has concluded, which for some (including myself) that took over a decade.
Fool me once, hair loss… and ya did. Now, I only have plan A with this new diagnosis.
I accept. This is the situation, I have had female pattern baldness for 24 years, I have worn wigs for 11 years, and I have had diffuse alopecia areata for less than 1 year.
Now we move forward.
Much love to all !
XOXO
~Y
